This Summer Was a Really Good One

My little table at the Fall Eco-Market

I have had a pretty good summer.

Actually, I should say a really, really good summer.

For the first time in three years, I finally went back to Spain to see my family. And when I say finally, I really mean it. The time before that, I had gone four years without visiting because of COVID. So, in the last seven years, I have only been to Spain twice.

Isn’t that ridiculous?

Looking back, I realize that waiting so long between visits was not a good decision for me. I didn’t fully understand how much I needed that connection until I finally went back.

When I landed in Madrid last July, I honestly couldn't believe I was there. It took me almost another week before it really sank in. The first few days felt strangely unreal, almost like I was watching myself from somewhere else.

Am I really here?

But I had been preparing for this trip for a long time—mentally and practically. For about a month before leaving, I was making lists, organizing everything, and making sure life at home in the States would keep moving without me:

Cats — check.
Work — check.
Plants — check.
And then, I left.

And then I did something that scared me

For some people, applying to participate in a market might not seem like a particularly nerve-wracking thing. But for me, it was a BIG deal.

I hadn't participated in a market in about seven years. I work a 9-to-5 job, and I have a tendency to overthink whether my artwork is “good enough” to put out into the world. I was also constantly calculating whether the few hours left after work and on weekends would actually be enough to make everything I wanted to make.

And yet, for some reason, I applied.

I am so glad I did.

While I was on the fast train between my hometown and Madrid, I found out that I had been selected to participate.

I remember that moment so clearly.

Inside, I basically said:

“Let's go.”

“Ready to work.”

And apparently, I meant it.

From that moment on, I went into full production mode. I worked nights after my 9-to-5 job, weekends, and pretty much every spare moment I had. I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to get everything done, but I decided I would figure it out.

And somehow, I did.

This is what I made

What you see in the first photo above is the result of all those evenings and weekends—plus a few things that didn't make it into the picture because they were hiding under the table. :)

I made:

• 4 repurposed denim star garlands — 2 large and 2 small

• 7 forest-animal heads made from paper clay

  • 3 bears

  • 4 bunnies

• A whole collection of paper-clay mushrooms

• Handmade paper for linocut prints

• Several bear prints that I had originally made years ago

• 2 original illustrations that aren't pictured

The handmade paper is especially meaningful to me. My incredibly sweet and kind mother and sister-in-law spent three days with me making and dyeing paper for the linocut prints.

There is something very special about making something with your own hands, but there is something even more special about making it surrounded by people you love.

By the time the market arrived, I was exhausted.

Really exhausted.

But I was also incredibly happy.

There was something deeply satisfying about standing behind a table filled with things I had made myself—using repurposed and environmentally conscious materials—and sharing them with people.

And then something shifted

The trip to Spain and participating in this market ended up being much more than two separate experiences.

They were, in a way, healing experiences for me.

They reset my brain.

Going back to Spain reminded me how important family, connection, and simply being present are to me. And the market reminded me why I make things in the first place.

I realized that I had been putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself to make everything perfect.

The perfect object.

The perfect display.

The perfect amount of inventory.

The perfect outcome.

But somewhere along the way, I started thinking differently:

It doesn't have to be perfect.

I can just enjoy making things.

I can go to the market and talk to people.

I can answer questions about what I make and why I make it.

I can meet other artists and makers.

I can watch people stop at my table and pick things up.

And, perhaps most importantly:

If I don't sell anything, that's okay.

I can go home with a bunch of weird, cute, handmade things that I can give to people as Christmas or winter gifts. :)

That realization was incredibly freeing.

Why I make things

All of these experiences reminded me of something I think I had temporarily forgotten:

I make art for myself.

Of course, I love when someone connects with something I've made. I love when someone buys it, takes it home, and gives it a place in their life. That is incredibly meaningful to me.

But the selling is not the reason I create.

The process of creating is the important part.

The experimentation.

The mistakes.

The materials.

The ideas that don't work.

The unexpected things that happen along the way.

The fact that I can take something that might otherwise be discarded and turn it into something new.

And the values behind the work matter just as much to me as the finished objects themselves. I want the things I make to reflect my interest in sustainability, reuse, creativity, and the idea that beautiful things don't necessarily need to be made from new materials.

Since the market, I have continued making eco-friendly things from repurposed materials. And I have so many new ideas constantly running through my head, which makes me tremendously happy.

I don't know where all of these ideas will lead, and honestly, I'm okay with that.

For now, I'm just enjoying making them.

And I didn't do any of this alone

Finally, I don't think I could have gone through this experience by myself.

My husband was there.

My family was there.

They encouraged me, helped me, supported me, made things with me, listened to me talk endlessly about ideas, and helped make the whole experience possible.

The trip to Spain would not have been the same without my family.

The market would not have been the same without their support.

And this whole journey would not have been nearly as joyful without them.

Picture taken by artist and friend, Kristina Gauer

So, yes, this summer was a really good one.

I went home to Spain after far too long.

I made things that I was proud of.

I put myself out there even though I was scared.

I participated in a market after years away.

I met people.

I sold some things.

I made a lot of things.

I learned that perfection isn't the point.

And, most importantly, I remembered why I create in the first place.

I did these things for myself.

And I am really proud of that.

Maybe that's the biggest thing this summer gave me: a reminder that I don't always need to know where something is going. Sometimes I just need to make it, experience it, share it, and enjoy the process.

And right now, I am very happy to keep doing exactly that.